December 7th, 2006

This is the Mother's first attempt at a video. Frankly, I find her to be the most amusing part of the video.

December 5th

My Beautiful Badness

The Mother has once again showed interest in joining the 21st century. She FINALLY bought a digital camera. Just to take pictures of us, she says.

This is me, slightly peeved. I can't remember why.

No doubt it had something to do with the dog.

Scrappy playing, as usual.

Tucker showing his hunting prowess with a plastic wrapper. Those things just turn him on!

This is our Uncle Tuff. He lives with our grandparents.

The Mother said I had to include a picture of the dog because she is a member of the family whether I like it or not.

Note to the Mother: Please clean the house before you take any more pictures of us. It is quite embarrassing to have a container of kitty litter in the background. Thank you.

We are all doing much better. We had a reprieve from the dog for a few days as the Mother took her with her out of town. Thank God for that!

I apologized to the Mother by sleeping on her head. She seemed to appreciate it. She has been lavishing extra special love and attention on all of us kitties. It is nice but, of course, we deserve it for being so forbearing about this dog thing. Most cats would have packed their bags by now. Something about this Mother keeps us here.

Oh! We wanted to tell you about this cool thing the Mother found online. It is called Meow Cosmetics! We have all watched our Mother's paint their faces and wondered why they do it. Of course, none of them are naturally beautiful like we are but I really don't see the need for them to paint their faces the way they do. Scrappy says she like to play with the brushes. Whatever. Mother was so happy to find face paint inspired by cats. She thought your Mother's would appreciate it too.

- Badness

Revenge and Other Matters

Our bondage is over. We now have the run of the house as is our right. The dog does too. Mother has tried to make up for her sins by getting a new scratching post and another cat tree. Scrappy, Tucker and I had a meeting and we decided that she was just trying to buy us off. She still had to pay. I barfed on her pillow last week and she didn't say a thing. Soo...We thought we would try something else...

Tucker: What would really get her?

Scrappy: don't do anything mean

Badness: She must pay for this indignity! What does she fear the most?

Tucker: Centipedes?

Scrappy: Life without chocolate?

Badness: no...Losing on of us. That would get her good. We should hide.

Tucker: I am already hiding!

Scrappy: That is cuz your are a wimp. Badness, that would scare our mama!

Badness: That is the plan!

So...I waited for the appropriate opportunity while the Mother was out walking the dog. One of the carpet guys had opened up a nice dark space in a closet. The dark space went behind the huge, white, water dish that the Mother washs herself in. I inspected the opening and decided this would be a perfect place. I went in. I also contrived to have one of the carpet guys leave the back door open so the mother would think I had gotten outside.

It worked! Scrappy said as soon as the Mother came in she saw the open back door. I could hear the Mother calling my name. She went into the back yard and down the alley. Scrappy said she even went around to the neighbors if that had seen a fluffy black and white cat that looks like a cow (what?! that insult will need to be taken care of too). Of course, no one had seen me cuz I was actually still in the house.

I made sure every now and then when she was calling my name to let out a pitiful meow. That really got her! She thought I was trapped somewhere, outside!!!

But, then, Scrappy, who was starting to feel very guilty came and told me The Mother was crying. I may be a cool customer but I did feel a bit ashamed of myself for making the Mother cry. So during one of her many trip through the house calling my name, I peaked my head out of the dark space to let her know where I was. She was relieved.

But to make sure I remained in control of the situation, I refused to come out for several more hours. I am a cat after all. I don't respond to emotional human pleadings.

Just a quick update!

We have been SO busy lately. We have been installing tile downstairs. We were trying to show the tile guys how to do it properly but we must have embarrassed them with our expert tile setting abilities because the Mother started putting us in the bedroom BEHIND A CLOSED DOOR. What the **** :::insert appropriate 4-letter word::: !!!! To add insult to injury, she put the dog in with us!!!

So two heinous crimes have been perpetrated against us:

1. Putting us behind a closed door
2. Putting us behind a closed door with a dog.

Needless to say, sometime soon the Mother will find barf on her pillow.

Badness and Co. excluding the dog.

It's Unanimous

Our Mother is nuts...It was confirmed last night as we all watch The Mother play in the loud, whirly, washy thing in the litter box room. She opened it up and said "what the heck?!" She had put the Hideous Beast's things in there to be whirled in water for awhile to unstinkify them. The Mother pulled a blanket out and it was all covered with white stuff. Everything was covered with white strips of stuff!!! Then, the Mother started laughing which really worried us. She told us she had washed whole roll of paper towels with the Hideous Beast's blankets.

Fortunately, we can order straight jackets online, no questions asked.

It Was a Massacre

My mama bought me a whole bunch of new furry mice to replace the ones that (!#&%)(*%&(@&#$ woofie ate last week. Guess what?! That (^&$&%^$% woofie did it again. My mama was very careful to put they away in a paper sack on the dresser. But I got them down yesterday to play with and I forgot to tell my mama. That %$&)@#& woofie found them and ATE THEM ALL! It was a massacre. Little pieces of fur and guts everywhere under the bed. Oh, the carnage! I am so sad.

Scrappy